WE KNOW YOU WANT TO
Bump Your Biscuits
Hip-Hop
On the courts, where legends play
Glide the puck, Make your way
Focus sharp, Don’t delay
Hit the ten, and make it stay
It’s finesse, It’s precision
Every slide, a bold decision
Feel the rhythm, See the vision
Shuffle dreams, in full collision
Lines are drawn, Stakes are high
Glory’s waiting, if you try
Bump your biscuits, Feel that groove
Bump your biscuits, Make your move
Bump your biscuits, Slide it right
Bump your biscuits, Win tonight
Every push, A story told
Legends rise, The brave and bold
Not a game, This is gold
Shuffleboard, Let it unfold
Feeling good? We got a while
My biscuits sitting, in a pile
Showing off, defensive style
One shot away, from a smug smile
Watch your ankles, it’s coming quick
Nothing’s left, that shot was sick
Bump your biscuits, Aim it tight
Bump your biscuits, Put up that fight
Bump your biscuits, it’s time to clear
Bump your biscuits, Get outta here!
Straight Outta Burnham
Punk
Welcome to Burnham, hope you came to play
It’s time to prove yourself if you want to stay!
You talk a big game, now it’s time to see
This ain’t no bush league like Columbia or CYC
Step to the court with a steady hand
Like some defense? Oh, I’m your man
You got your biscuits lined up tight
But one good shot’s gonna make things right
Get your biscuits outta here
Time to make them all disappear
Good Eight? Boom! Say goodbye!
Double sevens? Ba-bam! Real nice try!
Ready to shoot, stay on your side
On the board there’s no place to hide
You got a Ten? Bam! No you don’t
Victory’s mine I’ll take that throne
You bring your A-game. I bring mine
Strategy’s key with the game on the line
Start to end. We play that dance
I see Shuffleboard glory in every glance
Shoot it. Slide it
Feel that groove
Every shot I take
Has something to prove
Nice little seven. Oh she gone
Crushing dreams all night long
Cute plus ten. Oh snap!
You’re now in the kitchen! And that’s a wrap
Get your biscuits outta here
Time to make them all disappear
Get your biscuits outta here
Time to make them all disappear
Archimedes in the House
EDM
It’s Shuffleboard Night, and we’re keeping score
Yet math gets weird after drink four
Calculator? Nope. Who needs that
Carry the one, But the one’s off track
Go shoot that shot and feel alive
Can’t read your writing, is that scribble a five?
Add up those points, or maybe subtract
Gotta say this score is whack
Seven plus ten equals twenty four
The math ain’t mathin, let’s add some more
Sorry to say, your math is ailing
If this were a test, you would be failing
Some of these scores make zero sense
Constantly burning through every red pen
Crazy calculations have taken their toll
Just please get accountants on your payroll
I get it, math is hard, that is no doubt
Nobody’s judging you using both hands to count
But something’s not right and I’m not so sure
What’s nothing plus eight? Hmmm, let’s confer
Seven plus ten equals twenty four
The math ain’t mathin, let’s add some more
Sorry to say, your math is ailing
If this were a test, you would be failing
Straight Outta Burnham
Country
It’s Thursday night, the stakes are high
Shuffleboard dreams under Burnham skies
Commish is here in his shit brown truck
Time to roll out courts and drop them pucks
The season’s been rough, it’s been a fight
But tonight’s the night the Shufflecup’s in sight
BPYC, we’re ready to brawl
The Shufflecup’s awaiting the pride of us all
Slide it right or knock them clear
Your name on that trophy’s the prize this year
Brackets up, double elimination
Shoot only tens, oh the temptation
Pucks siding fast on the dirty old court
Stay out of that kitchen or drink some, Malört
The tension’s thick, the air’s electric
One bad slide, things will get hectic
BPYC, we’re ready to brawl
The Shufflecup’s awaiting the pride of us all
Slide it right or knock them clear
Your name on that trophy’s the prize this year
Herding Cats
Electronic
Herding cats, The league’s gone wild
Shuffling chaos, It’s fun, let’s smile
What time’s my game?, They scream and shout
Their drinks misplaced, Scorecards in doubt
You play next, don’t wander far
No time to pee, or hit the bar!
Where my drink go?
Where my team go?
Where do I go?
When’s my game, yo?
Shuffle nights, are a nonstop show
Who’s gonna be late, I never know
Tensions high, like half the teams
Spacing out, or so it seems
Partner’s missing, so swipe away
Not a bad call, that girl could play!
Switch my game? No
Move me up? No
Push me back? No
I’m the worst, yo
When’s my game? Go check the wall
Bracket’s up, Can’t track ’em all
24 teams, to keep in tow
Oh look a squirrel, and they all go
Where my drink go?
Where my team go?
Where do I go?
When’s my game, yo?
Longing for Glory
Bollywood
Stuck in the kitchen
Stuck in the kitchen sweat on my face
Longing for glory and this is my place
The court is calling where dreams are made
Approaching the goal of my shuffle crusade
So close to my name engraved on the cup
A plus ten to start things are looking up
A much cooler trophy, not to be self centered,
than number one brother from Things Remembered
Hey
Let that tang grab the biscuit tight
Fingers twitch under moonlight
The league is watching stakes are high
A glint in their eyes no room for a tie
I can not wait to brag to my friends
How I battled it out to the end
Who’s not impressed with shuffle fame
You want to look tough this is the game
Now we dance
The hammer’s coming it’s the final shot
The crowd holds its breath is it cold or hot
Glory or shame rests on this aim
The shuffle cup’s throne forever the claim
Dropping tens in the heat of the fight
The battle for the shuffle cup burns through the night
Slide it smooth let the discs collide
Burnham Park warriors with shuffleboard pride
The Biscuit Blues
Chicago Blues
Down near the docks
Where the waters gleam
Hanging at Burnham Park Yacht Club
You’re living the dream
You’re in the League of Shuffling
Reserved for the elite
But this whole damn season
You’re tripping over your own two feet
Negative ten
The kitchen is not your friend
Damn biscuit just keeps sliding
And sliding, to the very end
Burnham Park shuffleboard
You’re sinking slow
Negative points once again
Y’all stealing the show
You tried blaming the West court
Saying it’s crooked and sloped
You then blame the East court
Claiming it’s faster than you hoped
You sometimes blame a rock
That can’t even be seen
You should be blaming the liquor
Causin’ you to stand with a lean
Another minus ten
Oh what a trend
Watchin’ it slide down the court
Will it ever end?
The kitchen’s hungry, It’s eating you whole
Every shot you take, it hurts your soul
The Biscuit Blues, You just can’t deny
You shot for the moon and missed the sky
The Council
Orchestral
Beneath the sun’s eternal glow
Where waters dance and breezes blow
At Burnham Park’s revered domain
The Yacht Club is a hallowed name
The shuffle court, a sacred ground
Where champions rise, Where tales resound
The cues they slide, the biscuits glide
Precision meets with quiet pride
A clash of wits. A game of fate
A sport of patience. Never haste
Some shots are clear and all agree
Others tough. Gaps hard to see
Opinions given. Photos took
Readers out for a closer look
The crowd holds breath. The moment still
The trio descends with measured will
The Council of Elders, so wise and true
Three shadows cast on the court of blue
They come to judge the line they see
Justice reigns In harmony